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Thoughts of Love from an Enchanted Mind

People spend their lives searching for someone who would truly care for them and make them feel special- someone whom they would want to spend their lifetime with. There are even some who set high ideals to pick those they think are the best ones that can make them happy. Happiness, as we know it, is a very subjective factor in one's life. Yet, most of us believe that we can never be completely happy in this world until we find that special someone, someone we can grow old with. Although happiness lies in a person's hands, I believe that a substantial part of it will depend upon the choice one takes for a partner. Some of us thought they had found their love but at a certain point, they stumbled and fell together with their broken dreams, become cynical about love. I heard the most sensible preacher of our time read from the Scriptures that to know that something is God-given is when it brings good than harm to you. Applying to what I'm speaking of, how do we know then that our partner is God-given? Then, that person must be bringing good to us like the relationship with that person draws us also closer to Him. There are those with good intentions but are also disenchanted thinking that they deserve no one or that no one is meant for them. He knows what's best for us and all good things come from Him. Therefore, if your partner is someone who brings more harm than good to you, for instance hits you, abuses you, or makes you commit sins, do you think that is the person God wants you to have or is it just you succumbing to your human needs? It's important that though feelings play a part in finding the road leading to "that someone", we must be patient enough and let righteousness guide our paths. Then someday, when our hair turns to gray, in our quiet moments with God, we will praise Him for the days spent together with someone we once have prayed for, found, cherished, and even be at peace to die with- someone who would really make us believe that of all the things that matter, Love is the greatest.

"Do not be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass."

One of the best romantic tales ever written...

“Do you think, because I am plain, obscure and poor, I am heartless and soulless?” –Jane Eyre

I wrote; in the hope that my exuberance be appeased as it finds its way to expression and to disclose the attachment I found in the solace of a book in my possession a week ago. Jane Eyre, it was. The plain, blunt, yet vivacious and affectionate protagonist and heroine of this ‘masterwork of a great genius’, Jane, was a literary figure to be admired and loved for the many simple yet endearing characteristics of her own. And the Byronic hero, Mr. Edward Rochester (Why does every character has to be named Edward??), though eccentric and cold has a character too deep and mystifying yet captivating. It is a love story portraying the love of a married man for another woman told in a drama of passionate intensity (this may sound, at first, at odds with religious doctrines but the author, whom I endear so much because of her use of language and emotional honesty, had preserved the theme of morality). Never had there been a page that slackened my appreciation and taste for a wonderful literary work with a caliber so fine to leave the reader in admiration. For the wordiness, being unnecessary, I leave it to you to determine.

Words from Mr. Edward Fairfax Rochester to Jane:

“Every atom of your flesh is dear to me as my own: in pain and sickness it would still be dear. Your mind is my treasure, and if it were broken, it would be my treasure still: if you rave, my arms should confine you, and not a strait waistcoat – your grasp, even in fury, would have a charm for me: if you flew at me, I should receive you in an embrace, at least as fond as it would be restrictive. I should not shrink you with disgust: in your quiet moments you should have no watcher and no nurse but me; and I could hang over you with untiring tenderness, though you gave me no smile in return; and never weary gazing into your eyes, though they had no longer a ray of recognition for me.”

From the 2006 film of Jane Eyre, the sweet “Because you love” me by Jodee Messina. (If my information is exact, there will be an adaptation for 2009 so I, and if you guys wanna be counted too, we can keep our fingers crossed.)

My thoughts keep wandering as to the unknown possibility of meeting such a fine gentleman. How fortunate that would be! If the entire universe conspires, make his fate and mine intertwine.

Sadako Meets F4?!?

I have loved this anime (Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge) ever since it was first aired on TV5. Very funny. It's about a girl (Sunako) who confessed to a guy that she had a crush on him and was told that she's ugly. From then on, she shunned all forms of beauty. Now, she had an aunt who owns a mansion where four handsome guys live. She and the boys made a deal that if they can turn Sunako into a real lady, they don't have to pay for the 500,000 yen rent but if not, they'll pay for the rent thrice the original amount (if I'm not mistaken). Although changing her appearance could be easy, the problem lies on her attitude.


People think Nakahara Sunako is weird:
1. She has anatomy models as dolls.
2. Halloween is more important than her own birthday or Christmas.
3. She talks about weird stuffs
4. Her nose bleeds everytime she sees beautiful people. She calls them "dazzling creatures".
5. She lives in a very dark room.

but I like her. Her bangs is so kewl.

Want to watch the full episodes?

Bad day...

Today was bad. The weather's sooo warm. You just couldn't stand the heat outside and it's getting hotter and hotter every summer. Worse: Camping dream was gone... *sob* *sob*
But...
No matter how bad this day may have turned out, still glad I had enough reason to s-m-i-l-e :)
It wasn't a bad day after all.

Twilighter

Yey! After so many days of waiting, I finally have these. I'm gonna be reading these for the summer break.. I just do hope I have the time. Thank God. (",)

overnight

Can't beliv I'll be joining my second camp with special kids this summer! Though I'm glad I had been grouped on my fave color, I'm gonna miss my former groupmates (I miss them already! ) especially our senior counselor who's very diligent and caring... The last training day before a new volunteer could attend the camp was the overnyt. I could still remember the night I smelled like a catsup (that's a part of the initiation rites) when I was a new volunteer back then. I apologize for those I had wiped off the faces with charcoals, but I ain't sorry. We enjoyed it. Ahaha! *laugh* Then, we had the bonfire wherein we took oath for our responsibilities in the camp.

I was not able to get a good night sleep and I was starving during the morning so I stopped over 7-11 to feed my starving tummy. (Well I was actually comtemplating on something I reluct to discuss-a secret I've been trying to keep.hush. hush.)

Gustatoric bliss :) gulp, gulp...

Whew! There isn't really anything new to write about- school, studies. It's always 'bout school stuffs. But if S is for school, can't it be also for Summer break?!? It's been a year since I had my most wonderful (so far) summer getaway. Though it seems dim to have another one again this year. Still keeping my fingers crossed though. Nwei, I've been thinking some plans to kill time this coming summer. I've been planning to read Twilight series, do some artworks like sketch, paint, or a scrapbook, have thorough research for the thesis. But before I can do that, I have to attend our annual summer camp for children with special needs. Though the initial plan of holding it in Palawan was changed and will be held on Pampanga instead, it didn't keep me from goin'. Most of my friends know that I've been active in the organization since I started. I actually had not thought of leaving it but there are some tough decisions I have to make. I hope I don't sound bragging but in my one year so far of volunteering, I have done all I could to fulfill all my duties. I think it's about time that I should be fair to myself. I know the sacrifices and selfless efforts are finally paying off but I cannot voluntarily give a part of me that in itself is lacking. I have already set aside the self-pity, I wanna be fair also to people who are concern about what's happening in my body. I haven't been fair to them. I'll be always believing that it's still one of the best jobs one could ever fulfill but doin' sumthing that can compromise yourself is sumthing I have thought about. I won't be gone forever. I'll be back when I'm ready. I'll be putting on some weight this summer. ^-^

I believe that though most of our struggles in life are solitary, they could never be endured without those people we lean on, people who side to us when it feels like everything's crap. We face through different trials and each of us has his own way of getting back on track. So, I decided to do this blog entry to let my friends know how grateful I am for having them around. What I've gone through's more than what people have been thinkin' of.

[+] Thanks to:

Darren, for spending hours with me. Thanks for bein' nice.

Sarah and Cindy for the all the initiative. Small things mean a lot to me.

Ehca, for the silence during those "times". It was more curing than words.

Janina & daffz, you don't know how much your visits touched us. The sympathy's deeply felt.

Nica, who never fails to cheer me up when I'm in blue. Thanks for seeing and believing the best in me.

Kuya Ysh, for the heartfelt concern when I was sick and for the flowers during my niece's funeral. You'll always be a big bro to me. Don't go changing.

Tine, who's been with me through thick and thin, when I'm up, down, and in-between, for the initiative, for cheering me up when I'm down, and for having faith on what I'm capable of doing. Glad you spent time with Justine before she passed away.

God Bless your hearts. Though we will part ways for the years to come, always know that we'll be friends by . Thank you. I will miss you.

When life offers you something painful to accept...

Each day has been a constant struggle of moving on when you lose someone you held so dear and wish you should have spent more time with. Naming the pain has been far easier than explaining how it feels. For sure, there must have been a good reason why people we love were taken away from us. With everything that's been goin' on with my life, I should be steadfast on my basic stance in life that nothing is permanent, there are struggles in every phase of human experience. But there is only truth that will never change: God is good. I may not have enough reason to understand but I do have enough reason to believe. Keep our lights burning wherever life may take us & in face of a storm, keep our sails ready.

Life is tough...



...but we're tougher.

To Justine, wherever you are...

Nagpapasalamat ako sa Dios kahit sa sandaling panahong ipinahiram ka niya sa amin. Minsan mahirap tanggapin kung bakit nangyayari ang mga bagay bagay kahit masakit tanggapin pero naniniwala akong may mabuting plano ang Dios. Mahal ka Niya kaya hindi na Niya cgro hinayaang mahirapan pa. Yung mga batang maaalagan q sa Kamp, plagi kitang maaalala sa kanila. Nararamdaman q pa rin yung mga yakap mo at kapag sinasamahan mo ako ma2log sa kwarto kapag wala akong kasama. Yung manikang binili ko para sau, iingatan ko yun... Justine, Salamat. We will see each other again, in God's perfect time. This life is not the real life after all. Palage pa din akong iiyak, mamimiss kc kita eh..I know you're in God's loving arms, a place where you cannot feel pain..

"Everything happens for a reason but we're not meant to understand the Lord's plan all the time. We just have to have faith."

Seeking Silence

The past few years of my life has been quite tedious like I've grown a year older each day with tough tasks here and there. Sometimes, I feel like I'm being smothered and it takes a great deal of optimism to be able to breathe. There are times when I felt like cutting back some part of my social life to seek for silence because that's the only time when I can feel a sense of inner peace. I've always loved solitude even if people misunderstood my silence, at least they could never misquote it. There's so much noise around. I mean, maybe it'll be better to at least meditate and just observe.

A Lesson Well Learned

It's really late and I should be doin' my homework but I learned a more important lesson that made me lose something before I could even realize it.It was the second time that my phone got snatched. I was on my way home from a seminar. I rode a jeepney and waited for other passengers to get on since I was the first one. The last one who who got on took a seat next to me. I was texting (I'm not fond of texting for chit-chat, it was purely an important matter that I had to discuss on the phone) when I sensed that something is quite peculiar with the person next to me (on my left because I was seated on the first seat). He was sort of fidgeting but since I was really engrossed with my own matter, I didn't really notice him. What's so weird about him was that he really looked at my face when all he should do was to give me my change but then I didn't really mind him. The moment we got to Maysilo circle (near the Mandaluyong Library) half of the passengers got off and he was the last one to follow them. It was so fast that I was stupefied when he grabbed my phone. Apparently, I was not able to get it back. Of course, I cried.. and cried.. like I wanted to bawl over. I talked to my brother and he said that perhaps, it's a wake up call for me - that I should have been more vigilant especially when I'm alone and not at home. Eun, I just came to realize na sometimes you learn the lessons the hard way like something has to be taken away from you before you can even sense it. Sa sobrang busy, I forget about my health and my safety. What if something bad happened to me? Will it be my 'end' ? From now on, I won't compromise my health with works and try not to be so very busy (hopefully) that I can't even manage to notice around me. Honestly, I'm not holding a grudge on that person. He was younger than I am. I hope like me, he'll learn he's lesson too. It's quite ironic in life that people are afraid of starving stomaches than losing the goodness of their souls. How pathetic.

12 down, 8 more to go. Whew!

Just 8 pages more and I'm done with Philo.Yipee! I was just wonderin' if this is burning eyebrow or literally popping eyes out of their sockets.. hmm.. *confused* I've been staying up really late for the whole week and just when I thought sleepless nights are over, I was completely wrong! Still it's better not to have sleep than not to wake at all. Ahehe! So what about the oh so laborious homework? We had to research on the Spanish Inquisition and the Holocaust. So here comes the History again. I've heard about the Holocaust but little do I know about it. For sweetlemoning's sake, this worked added up substantial infos. I remember when I used to watch a morning cartoon series where I heard Hitler's name for the first time. Instead of sayin' "Saludo kay Hitler, the children would say "Sa nguso ni Hitler". Now I know why they detest Hitler terribly (who doesn't?! He killed 6 million Jews, dunno if that includes physically and mentally disbled who were euthenized). Nwei, he was seen as brutal, ruhless, and apathetic madman but perhaps what happened years ago may not have only been the expression of a single individual but the expression of the state of mind of his civilization, and other countries as well. It wouldn't have happened had people were not discriminative. If only people who were at that point in time, condemning racial discriminations stood up against Jewish persecutions earlier, more lives could have been saved, more families could have been reunited. Promptness is really crucial. It was really..ghastly, I mean to think those had happened in civilized countries- how barbaric. I hope history will not repeat itself...

Okay. So much for personal sentiments. It's late.. I'm dead. x_x


^_^

As the tough gets going, the going gets tough

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away”. What can I say – I’m breathless! *laugh* Whew! I'm up to sharing but my eyes are drooping already. I'll blog everything I've been through for the past grueling days as soon as I get school stuffs done. zZz..

"Work is Love Made Visible"

I was unintentionally late for today's appointment in Rockwell. The meeting had already begun when I arrived and everybody's so serious that I didn't even get the chance to apologize. I felt a bit tensed by series of questions 'bout the project plan though I did not squirm (at least not noticeable enough hehe). The next couple of months's certainly goin' to be critical. We have to raise funds for the upcoming summer camp and we were asked to facilitate for the training days. We're also invited to join a fun run for the Autism Society but it's difficult to make a definite yes 'coz this week's sure to be loaded with a lot of stuffs. It's always in days like these that I have to summon all the strength I still have in me (hope they would still work). Nwei, I just happen to realize, when you feel really tired but still persevere to do something for a good cause, you always find the strength to do it. Yea! I'm not sure if that works for most people but for me it does. I guess its more on how much love we put to what we do that matters and focus more on what people can get out of what we do rather than we expect what we can get from them. That must be the buoyancy of enthusiasm, I suppose. hehe ^-^

I feel like in state of turmoil caused by avalanche of school stuffs I now dread and feel weary just by the thought of tasks lying ahead.

flashback

I was far from believing that I can make a kind of life that I’ve always anticipated but now that realization has stricken me, guess I should be up for it. Glancing back at my 2008 calendar inspired me of a very wonderful year that was, to gear forward and hope for the best things to come. Allow me to flashback on the memories that will remain in the scar tissues of my mind. I joined my first summer camp with special children. No amount of verbosity can ever exactly express how it felt like. It’s like you wake up one morning and you realize that they were there. They’re created for some special sort of purpose and that purpose is what your life can be all about. It’s a very uplifting feeling to make a difference in this world while we still have time. God’s grace has been just to me. He made my summer vacation a wonderful experience. It had been the second time that we were gathered as a complete family when my eldest sister came home to visit. It felt very nostalgic when she hugged me back then. She hasn’t been physically there while I’m growing up but her support is always felt even across the miles. I still do miss her. I hope I can personally thank her for the things she’s done for our family. If she hadn’t been my sister, I’d still pretend she is. It was also the first time that I got to join in a Gift Giving. I was never too strong to be faced with the sad realities of life. I may have a lot for Christmas but some people were faced with the uncertainty of what to have for tomorrow. Still, I do believe that life has never been unfair though. That wasn’t a fine truth to look at but that’s the real thing. Well, the previous year has left me with a lot of stories to tell and with the coming of the year, I hope to have a lot more. If there is one important lesson I’ve learned from the previous year, it’s this: A life of living service is a life worth living for.

19th December

I tagged along a few friends to go swimming in Montevista, Laguna. I spent the day with Kuya Ysh who bought the roast chicken and the plates for our lunc(So how did it feel bein' the Big Bro?!) , Cindy, we preferred to call mom that day (thanks for lookin' after us), Nica who left her Carlo to spend the day with us, Tine who even made a perfect imitation of Dyesebel, and Lalai who won a boy... I mean a friend (we thought she lost her way arriving there). The whole day had been pretty much fun and we thought it was a perfect time to plunge into the hot pools given the cold weather.

Cindy, Cielo, Nica, Tine

21st December

It's PVI Christmas Party! Glad I wasn't late. That's one thing I've been planning to resolve for the next days and for the year to come. We planned to just show ourselves on the event but it was really late when the party ended. For the exchange gift, I felt a bit sad 'coz I was not able to give something personalized but I did my best to pick a pretty one. I bought a frame with a verse inside the glass and I'm very glad that Ate Abie liked it. In return, I received ate Mimi's gift but she left earlier.

Yummy! :)

23rd December

This was my first time to attend a Christmas Gift- Giving and there was a mixed of emotions because nothing was ever real to me until I experienced it. I was in the Kuya Mark's car with Kuya Randz, Ate Kaoie, Darren, and Tine. Up to now, I find it really hard not to cry whenever I see homeless people especially children and elderly. For a moment in my life, I was faced with a very horrible and sad reality. It felt very uneasy to see people living on the streets.

Darren and Me while we were repacking rice

inside the car with Darren and Kaoie


@ Rufo's, Libis when Tito Oyette treated us out